Expectations.

There are certain things in life that you anticipate for years. They often don't go as planned, or they pleasantly surprise you. Young girls fantasize about their first date, first kiss, first time falling in love, and their future husbands. 

My first date was with a boy that I had a crush on for 6 months, and due to a missed curfew, my dad forbade me to ever go on a date with him again.

My first kiss definitely did not happen the way I thought it would, or with the person I thought it would happen with.

The first time I thought I was falling in love, I had to say goodbye the same day. We haven't seen each other since.

The day I heard "I love you" for the first time, was the day he broke my heart.

And the first boy I thought would be my future husband, is now happily married.

None of these scenarios went the way I was expecting.

Often, girls dream of these experiences coming from the same boy. Our grandparents have romantic stories that happened that way, but if you're like me, they all came from separate young men.

Our expectations can lead to heartache, and heart break, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Each person comes into our life for a reason to teach us how to cope with certain things, and to teach us that we have the capacity to love a variety of people. I don't feel like I've missed out on any experiences, and I don't feel like I've waited too long. If anything, I'm so grateful that I've been able to be influenced by so many different people. It has stretched me, humbled me, strengthened me, and lifted me up. 

In this particular culture, it isn't unheard of - or even surprising - for young girls to venture off to college and meet the love of their life within minutes of arriving on University soil. In fact, it happens so often, people don't think twice about it. I have absolutely no problem with anyone who's ever done that, and I'm happy that those people have been able to find their eternal companion. However, I'm so glad that I've had to wait a little longer for that to happen. I definitely wouldn't be half the person I am today if I didn't have those experiences. I've matured emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. When I was a freshman in college I was immature, impulsive, abrasive, judgmental, overly-sensitive, and impatient. Someone would've been in for a rough surprise if they had asked for my hand in marriage at 18 years old. 

I don't pretend that I'm some expert on love. In fact, I'm much more inexperienced in the Love Department than my fellow 21-year-olds. I'm not ashamed of this in the least bit. I'm actually pretty okay with it. I've known for years that I was going to be a late-bloomer in this area of my life, and haven't had a problem with it so far. I don't base my self-worth on having a boyfriend, or a husband, or something close to that. The quote, "If you're not happy without it, you'll never be happy with it" has always applied to this subject for me.

There have been a few personal questions directed toward me about this topic, and I've had it on my mind for some time now. Hence why I'm writing on it. I feel like I've been able to give valuable advice to people close to me regarding relationships, only because I've been through a spectrum of unique situations throughout the years. 

I never expected to feel such a deep love for so many different types of men. When I was 17, I thought I knew for sure who I was going to end up with. For quite some time I refused to open my heart up to anyone else. That ended well. It taught me that even when we THINK we know what's best for us....we really have no idea. 

Someone once described life as a big puzzle, without having the picture on the box cover. The Lord only shows us a corner of the puzzle at a time, and we're so busy finding the pieces to that small aspect of the puzzle. Even when we think we know what the rest of the puzzle looks like in the beginning, it turns out to be something completely different than what we were expecting. We couldn't see the big picture. 

It never ceases to blow my mind how things turn out in life.

Is there a point to any of this? Probably. 

I just wanted to make it clear that life never goes as expected. Between the agency you have, and the agency of others, life's a mystery. It will always be a surprise. I'm more than grateful for that. Sometimes life is difficult, and people break your heart. Sometimes you get your hopes up, and your expectations are high...and the disappointment sets in. 

But time always has a way of moving forward. 

I can't tell you how happy I am with the way things HAVEN'T turned out in that aspect. I get to be a missionary for my Father in Heaven, and I get to meet so many people that will fill my heart with joy and glory. The Lord is watching out for each of us. He loves us. He knows what will make us the BEST possible person in the world. Never doubt that He's on our side, and wants to place opportunities and even heart break in our paths so we can grow and come closer to Him. The Lord will always hold our hearts and lift our burdens if we go to Him. Always have faith in that beautiful truth.

I love my Savior, and I love the life He has given me. I could never thank Him enough. 

"Come what may, and love it."

-k